Inspired by a viral post that I saw on Instagramโฆ
๐ ๐๐ฆ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐. I am not on the front lines fighting this pandemic (yet). I am still working my usual shifts and taking care of my usual babies. There is a lot of acknowledgement and recognition surrounding healthcare workers being classified as โheroesโโ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐โand I feel guilty for not serving on the front lines. I feel guilt, but also relief, and then I feel even more guilt for feeling relief. But I also feel fear. It is always present, always looming.
There is not much data on how this virus affects newborn infants because the virus is constantly evolving. Everyday, new information and guidelines are released. It feels inevitable that we will soon be faced with COVID-19 on our unit and in our hospital.
I fear that first patient. I fear we wonโt know how to help him/her. I fear we might not even recognize it before itโs too late. I fear what this might mean for our most vulnerable patientsโthe preemies born so early and fragile, completely and utterly immunocompromised and already fighting the greatest battle of their lives to survive.
I also fear the added trauma these babies will experience by having their earliest days, weeks, and months of life with caregivers and staff whose faces are completely covered and guarded. I fear what not having the experience of seeing facial expressions of human emotions will do to their development and milestone achievement. I fear that they will feel and embody the relentless anxiety that is felt by every healthcare worker.
Donโt get me wrong, nurses (myself included) are ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ strong, but do not be fooled by our exteriors. Weโre scared too. My biggest fear with COVID-19 is the possible exposure and the potential of being a carrier and passing it on to my babies.
By now, you are probably tired of hearing it, and trust me we are tired of saying it. ๐๐ญ๐๐ฒ ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐. ๐๐ญ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐๐. ๐๐๐๐ซ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฆ๐๐ฌ๐ค๐ฌ. The babies I take care of fight so hard everyday. Do your part in keeping them from having to fight even harder. As a NICU nurse, my exposure is NOT from my patients. Itโs my own. We can all become carriers if weโre not careful, and many of us are working in high risk areas. Parents ๐ฌ๐บ๐ท๐ฌ๐ช๐ฐ๐จ๐ณ๐ณ๐ are at the highest risk for potential exposure. Until we have further testing, definitive data and answers, itโs best to err on the side of caution. ๐๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐๐๐ฆ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ง๐ค ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ.